There’s a moment before I do anything big. Sometimes the moment lasts only a second, and sometimes the moment lasts years. In that moment I am frozen. I can’t make a decision. I can’t say yes. My dad thinks I hold back because I am afraid to succeed. That I’m afraid of the attention that might come with success. I’ve always thought that it is because I’m afraid that people will know that I’m not “good enough”. I’m afraid to stand up boldly and declare “this is who I am – this is my work and I’m proud of it” because I’m afraid that someone will call me out right then and there. They’ll remind me that any success I have is due to luck, or timing, or my ability to trick people into believing I’m more than I am. That one day everyone else will also be able to see what a fake I am. There’s a name for this I’m told. It’s called impostor syndrome. And as much as I like to consider myself unique, I hear that this “condition” is actually quite common – particularly among women. It’s unfortunate. How many people, artists, musicians, writers, photographers have held themselves back because they’re afraid? Not that they’ll fail, but that other people will write them and their work off as fraudulent. As a fluke. And the truth is… the fears aren’t actually based in any truth. In fact, it’s when I rally the courage to take those steps forward to face and pursue my deepest insecurities and desires that I’m met with the most encouragement and support.
Find out what makes you feel at home and chase it. Better yet, fight for it. Because I think it’s only then that we are able to stand behind our work with pride and confidence, knowing we are doing exactly what we should be doing.
Chasing the Light…
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- Lauren -